The Thing I Was Most Afraid Of Was Needles, But I Read It Was The Oral Anabolic Steroids That Cause Most Of The Liver Damage And Kidney Problems.

"I lifted my first ever weight in the summer of 94, at the age of 16. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was inspired by a man I saw walking down the street with his t-shirt off. Now the word "huge" would have been inappropriate to describe him. This man must have been an easy 300 lbs with body fat at no more than 12-15%. Everyone who saw him gave him respect and admiration and from that point on, I told myself I am going to be like that one day.

You see, I was 16 years old, 6'5" high, weighed a measly 140 lbs and pissed off with everyone calling me bean pole. My measurements were as follows :

Biceps : 11.5 inches

Chest : 33 inches

waist : 29 inches

and I didn't take any others.

I must have been in the gym 5 times a week, non-stop for the following two years, banging away at the weights day after day, week after week, month after month. I was so innocent at the time, I thought if I was to take steroids after the first dose my testicles would be half the size, my acne would be even worse and I would slowly begin to have liver and kidney problems, hair loss and become even more aggressive. I must admit I knew nothing. I didn't eat after workouts, stuck to the normal 3 meal a day routine, and the only protein I took in came from KFC chicken, Burger King Whoppers, and McDonald Quarter Pounders.

After the first year I weighed in at 160 lbs, and to be quite honest more than half of that 20 lbs must have been fat. The Second year was even more difficult, my motivation was almost non-existent. However it was the year that I brought my first musclemag. In that issue there were two very relevant features, one on overtraining and the second about pros on steroids.

I now realised that I must have been overtraining and cut back to 3 days a week. The steroid feature was very interesting. It was about side-effects and the possitive bennefits and how the pros manage to get away with 30 sets per bodypart. Applying this new knowledge I went up to 170 lbs by the end of the second year. Which was when I took my first cycle, it was only Winstrol. After only 6 weeks of high intensity training 3 sets/excercise, 3 excercises/bodypart, each bodypart only once every 5-6 days, 5000 calories a day, including 350 gms of protein / day. I slowly climbed the scales and weighed in at 195 lbs with 8.5% bodyfat.

My new measurements were :

Biceps : 14.5 "

Chest : 42 "

Waist : 31 "

I decided to try something a little stronger on my next cycle, so after 6 weeks of being off the Winstrol, I added Deca. I decided to use this as I was told it would cause the least amount of side effects, which I was trying to avoid like the plague. My acne was far too bad from the winstrol. The thing I was most afraid of was needles, but I read it was the oral roids that cause most of the liver damage and kidney problems, especially the 'alpha-alkylated' type, there the ones that pass through the liver more than once when taken orally.

Well during my second cycle my self-confidence went through the roof and I personally thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. Whenever the weather allowed me I would wear a tight top out and would notice people staring at me, it was a great feeling. However this increase in self-confidence could have been a reason why I became more and more aggresive, whenever there was someone looking at me that I didn't like the look of I would stare back at them and say something childish like ' what you lookin at, got a problem ' or 'want a f-----g picture mate', you know the type of stuff.

Not one of my friends knew I was juicin, they all thought I was eating and training smart, or so I thought. As my size and strength were going through the roof I started spending more time in the gym. My girlfriend was getting suspicious and my bestfriend, well lets just say he is no longer my friend, and who can blame him. I started having arguments with everyone for fun and not many would dare to argue back, but I knew they were all talking about me behind my back. Everything was getting out of control. I used to be so polite, everyone would like me, and go out of there way for me, and now I felt like the world was conspiring against me.

After that 6 week cycle and a 60 day off period I weighed in at 220 lbs. My desired weight was 250 lbs, and whatever it took to get me there I would use. I must say by this time my girlfriend had left me, it was during the 60 days that I was of the stuff that it happened. I was completely out of control, I had lost my best friend, my girlfriend to whom I wanted to marry, and all the other friends that I had. I was big and strong on the outside which is how I always wanted to be, but on the inside I was dying and as small as ever. The ironic thing is I was killing myself and I didn't know it. It was all in the quest for as much muscle in as little time as possible and at any expense.

Well I knew I would reach that magic 250lbs, and sure enough I did, it was 4 weeks after my final cycle, which consisited of Deca and Anadrol. Now Anadrol is one steroid that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Side effects are everything, and thats exactly what I got. My acne was now so bad I couldn't take my shirt off in public, my aggression got the better of me and landed me in jail twice. The first time I was cautioned, the second time I was charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm and all because I had to show the man who cut me up in traffic that I was stronger than him. I ended up with a £150 fine and was sentenced to 60 days inside. After that incident I couldn't afford my car insurance,( Oh, by the way I lost my part time job after the second cycle ) my car had to be sold, my parents would no longer put up with me and I was warned several times by my GP about my liver, It's ok now though.

Now that I am clean, I look back at everything and thank the driver who cut me up, because if it wasn't for him I don't know what I would be like now. It was while I was inside that I realised in my quest for the ultimate body I had lost everything and what I didn't lose, I had thrown away.

When I got out I was reffered to a counsellor and practically told him my life story. I'm back living at home with my parents now, have a job at a fitness centre, a lovely girlfriend and have made some new friends. What I miss the most however is my bestfriend. He was there whenever I needed him, always advised me what to do in times of trouble and he was like the brother I never had. It has been said many times before and I'll say it again so you all know before it's too late 'You only know how good something is when you've lost it' and god that is so true.

I said I was clean earlier, I must admit that I do use 19-nordiol and 5-Ad, as well as caffeine and tribulus. But I will never ever touch an illegal substance for personal gain ever again. You see most people don't know what effects they are experiencing on some steroids until its too late, I was one of those. I was ignorant, telling myself it wasn't the drugs and that everyone else was changing, but at the end of the day I was only lying to myself.

This letter may not change your mind about taking steroids, but at least let it change your mind about what steroids you take with a more cautious approach."

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